ArticlesSHATTERING THE DEATH ARCHETYPE - Zeta's StoryBy: Marcia Beachy, MS, LPC, CCHPart 1 A Growing PhenomenonA wonderful phenomenon is emerging below the radar of the common culture. Tucked away in the conscious dying movement, end-of-life care training, and near-death and past life research, is a new wave of pioneers who are breaking entrenched death beliefs and fears by reprogramming their own death experience. These courageous souls have shattered their body-mind’s death map. Some are accomplishing this through gradual re-education of their entire psyche. Others are utilizing an emotional or physical death crisis to confront the "death demon", as my ten-year-old client, Patrick, called it.Patrick stepped into my counseling office one day, full of angst. He was struggling with what he called the "death demon." In the midst of his parent’s separation, moving to a new school, and various other adjustments and losses, Patrick’s friend’s horse died. Patrick had come to love this beautiful mare and cared for her on a regular basis. It was all too much. He told me that there was an angel of good, but the death demon was a really maddening bad guy. Patrick was angry about death. Actually Patrick was onto something. The death demon, the "demon" created from our collective, highly misguided, fearful misunderstanding of planetary departure, is too much. The "archetype of death," as I choose to call it, is so laden with terrors and sorrows and heaviness that many are choosing a new road map of pro-active, conscious choice in death-related matters. Jan Tober, speaker and co-author of Indigo Children, speaks of this work as clearing the "death phantom." This phantom is a collective of experiences, beliefs and agreements about death which we have carried over the span of our souls’ many journeys. It influences how we program our own death. We hold some sort of soul agreement with each lifetime; what we hope to accomplish each time around, and the wheres and whens of our end of life. We are learning that this plan can be changed should we so choose. Zetta’s Story I had the privilege of interviewing an acquaintance on her experience of shattering the death archetype. From our mutual friend, Pascha, I had learned that Zetta was dying but had experienced some transformative, perhaps transcendent, events. Because of my work in the conscious dying field, I was eager to interview her and hear her story. Zetta was most obliging and so in the autumn of 2007 I drove to Boulder, Colorado, where Zetta lived in her quiet, simply furnished apartment. Zetta, 54, has spent many years working as a social worker in hospital chemical dependency and psychiatric units, as well as agency case management. An Illinois native, Zetta left the Midwest for new adventures in Colorado in 2001. I want to share her compelling story with you. In May of 2006, Zetta came face to face with her death phantom. She woke up and ran to the bathroom, vomiting up "a sink full of blood." Although there were no warning signs, Zetta had known for many years that she suffered from hepatitis C. She was rushed to the hospital in Albuquerque, N.M., where she lived at the time. Before being given a shot of Haldol to stem the bleeding and pain, the doctors asked her if she chose to be resuscitated should she be dying. Always in the past, with various medical procedures, Zetta had declared, "Let me go." This time as she heard the question, she opened her eyes and saw the worried face of her partner, Jane, gazing at her. In that moment, Zetta knew that she had not finished her work with Jane and changed her answer to, "Yes, bring me back." Had Jane not been there, Zetta says that she would have asked to be allowed to die, a likely event since her physicians gave her only a five percent chance of surviving the severe loss of blood and liver damage. For four days, Zetta remained unconscious in her hospital bed. Although she retains little memory of her experiences during the unconscious state, she adamantly states that she traveled to a spiritual "Council of Seven" in the higher realms. She explained to them that she didn’t want to leave her Earth life yet; she needed time to clear up some things and learn a bit more. When I pressed Zetta for more details of the Council, she described them as immensely wise and evolved. She felt showered with an indescribable, unconditional love. As Zetta reflected on her experience with the Council, her face softened, and her voice quieted as she sat with the sacred privacy of that meeting. In stating her case to the Council, Zetta outlined the matters that still felt uncompleted. One was an awakened desire to learn more about love. The other was the age-old quest: how to be human and experience freedom of spirit. The day that Zetta went before her Council is the day she believes she had contracted to die. It was the original soul agreement, the old map for this life’ s completion. In asking for a change of venue, she received approval for a renegotiated contract, adding more time. Much of this perspective submerged itself in the recesses of her mind as Zetta returned to consciousness and her hospital room. Memory of the Council disappeared. Her predominant sense was that she had 2-3 months left to live and so she set about doing all the practical end-of-life tasks such as power of attorney, updating her will, and giving away her belongings. As it happened, about one month after leaving the hospital, Zetta and Jane moved from Albuquerque to Boulder to be nearer their support system. They struggled, loved, learned and struggled again. With the weeks expanding into months, Jane became exhausted and overextended, given all the demands of her care-giver role. Eventually they reached a mutual decision to live separately, with Zetta being accepted for affordable housing, Medicaid and hospice care. At this highly vulnerable time, Zetta found herself living alone. Ironically, she was also becoming aware of new ways to receive care and love from a wider support circle. As the 2-3 months lengthened into 4-5 months and then a year, Zetta understood that the extra time she was given had less to do with practicalities than with the deepening growth of her soul. She felt memory return of the beautiful Council who had blessed her choice. Disease as a Vehicle of Wholeness Though ill and often exhausted, Zetta’s soul-learning was expanding by leaps and bounds. She continued, "In the past, I could always give love. I knew how to be generous and caring. However, I never quite believed that I was lovable, that I could just receive love from all the people who love me. It’s the metaphor of the hand in a bucket of water. If you take your hand out, if you are gone, it has made no difference. That’s how I’d always felt. I had to keep giving to others to make love happen for me. Now, for the first time in my life I have been able to be open and receive and know that I am inherently lovable." During her four days of unconsciousness in the Albuquerque hospital, Zetta experienced another level of receiving love. Her intuitive friend, Bonnie, in Colorado Springs, shared her own story. At the time of Zetta’s hospitalization, Bonnie was teaching a healing class. Zetta’s spirit came to her during the class and said, "Tell Jane that I’m coming back. I’m just having a hard time getting back into my body." Zetta is convinced that the prayers and love of her friends and spiritual family is what she utilized to pull herself back into her body and her life. Had it not been for that outpouring of love, she would not have been able to return to carry out her "mission." Though her desire was to return to this life for further learning, Zetta is open about the difficulties in living so intimately with one’s own death. Is it worth the $75 to buy a good pair of walking shoes in October if you might die in November? How do you decide these things? Some days she is completely exhausted. Other days there is a mysterious level of energy. Several times over the last 16 months she has revisited the door of death. One day she went to her acupuncture appointment and said to her acupuncturist, "It seems like I’m getting ready to leave. I could care less about food, friends, going out. Nothing here has meaning for me." As he checked her chi, he agreed, for her energy was unusual - different from his patients who were life-filled. Then somewhere within her a shift occurred and she stayed. "One day the sun came out, like spring, and I woke up and felt good, felt energized and positive and I said, ‘Oh shit! Guess I’m not going today!’ I knew that at some level I had made the decision to stay. The problems in the relationship with Jane made it obvious that there were still some things I hadn’t learned. "There have been a lot of times in my life when I’ve wanted to leave, to die, to get out of spiritual and emotional pain. After the hospitalization I had a long talk with Spirit. I said, ‘I’m tired. Everyone says I should enjoy life. What does it mean to live life if I’m not working, not productive and have a lot of time on my hands?’ I have come to know that I do not want to leave this body because of wanting to escape. I want to die in love, clarity and feeling spiritually complete. The ‘time on my hands’ is my time to deepen and heal. "Now, I understand that living life is about following my heart on a moment-by-moment basis. Since I’m here, I may as well live until I die. With that realization came a huge relief and I started living out of an inner freedom. I have freed myself from a lot of fear; fear of trying to take care of Jane’s anxiety, fear that I am unlovable, fear of not having control. There is something about the dying process that has given me a unique sense of myself. This whole process that I’ve gone through, by being open and conscious about it, has given me a new freedom and purpose as I share with others. "My journey is unique also in that I have chosen not to take the medical route. One of my doctors stood over me and shouted that I was a fool to not try the drug Interferon, that it was my last chance. I still chose to say no. My doctors didn’t understand. Some of my friends didn’t either. When it is my time to die, I will. Dying is a viable option. It’s just an option society doesn’t necessarily want to accept. The whole goal is for the ego-brain to surrender. At the level of dying, my ego-self has no control." Zetta has had ample opportunity to contemplate the meaning behind contracting hepatitis C, for herself. She feels now that the disease was born of self-hatred and was a way for her to end her life herself, though she wasn’t aware of it at the time. "I was 23 years old when I shot heroin with a dirty needle. I loathed myself then. When I found out 20 years later that I had contracted this disease, I asked why I had called it to me. They say the liver is the seat of anger. I’ve sat with that. It didn’t make sense to me. I don’t have an angry personality. There is no one I carry anger toward. I couldn’t figure it out. Finally it hit me; it was about my hatred and anger at myself." By letting the disease show her where she was not yet whole, Zetta is utilizing hepatitis C as a vehicle into psychological and spiritual wholeness. Further Reflections As we continued to chat and reflect, Zetta returned to the lessons she had chosen to grasp more fully: love and freedom within the human experience. After the disease was diagnosed, Zetta left a relationship in Illinois and started anew in Colorado, where she met Jane. The relationship with Jane has been pivotal to her healing. "I believe, for many of us, relationship is how we come to love ourselves. When people would tell me, ‘You can’t love another until you love yourself,’ I couldn’t see how that works. A mother’s love is what reflects its lovableness to a baby. Why wouldn’t that also be true for us as adults? Why wouldn’t the love of an intimate partner help heal our lack of self-love? Until Jane’s love, I never knew that level of love. Jane has loved me for exactly who I am, loved me unconditionally." By her and Jane choosing to live separately, another layer of "lovableness" would fall into place for Zetta. The nature of her living situation and her health now required her to be open to support and love from others. "Before, I couldn’t really take in another’s love and so I often felt lonely. Through this process, I have come to know for the first time that I truly am not alone. My heart has opened. I am more willing to be honest and vulnerable with friends. I am allowing people to see the truth of me, not the defenses. I no longer have the overwhelming fear of being unlikable. I know the truth of me. This is really me. This core of who I am is permanent. Now, even if I were to be alone, it wouldn’t matter. My core, my essence, is in place. I have had a fear of living alone, but the longer I live alone, the less alone I feel! It ’s freedom. I no longer feel bound! It doesn’t matter where I die, who is with me when I die, or how it looks when I do. My belief is that it’s going to be perfect. In truth, as I look over my life, it has been perfect and my death will be also. It is all about what is best for me, for the people I’m closest to, for the world, and for the Universe as a whole - whatever will bring the greatest healing for all. "I went through a period of saying goodbye, of feeling the grief of the last book I would read, the last morning I would see, etc. It was very sad for me. Then I started thinking of what it’s like on the other side - the love, the freedom, the continued growth, the continued learning, and more understanding of the spiritual worlds. "I have a sense of the home planet that I will return to. It’s been thousands of years since I’ve been there. Once during a workshop, I saw the tall, beautiful blue beings from my planet. Long ago, something happened and I left my planet to come here to Earth. I believe I have a core soul family. We work together and act as guides to one another when one of us is on the Earth. I believe I will experience the Divine Connection to a greater extent than I have been able to experience it while on Earth. I think this Connection is multi-dimensional and I know very little about it. However, the part of me that is always in Spirit is very much at work helping with the Earth changes we are in - the transitions of the Earth. "The people that I am closest to - I feel and hope that my process will help them in their own passage. By me going through this process as consciously as possible, it may help the journey for all. That would give me joy. There is no right or wrong way to do it. There is just your way to do it. Dying is a very individual path. You are the only one to know your path. You can’t do it anyone else’s way. "The main thing is, there is really nothing to fear, including death. Our greatest fear has been death. In my life, the focus was all outside of myself, though I worked with getting in touch with myself, with Spirit. Today, I know that who I am is Spirit. Everything I need and desire is available to me. Both love and freedom live in me. I realize now that the things that have happened over the last 16 months are what the Council and I talked about. I feel that I am likely completing my incarnations on Earth. This 16 months has perhaps given me the opportunity to clear my slate. Though difficult, it has all been a great gift. "Over the past few months, when I’ve thought I was on the verge of dying, I’ ve felt joy. Then when death has left me and I’ve stayed, I have come to feel joy as well. It doesn’t really matter now. Both sides have something wonderful to offer." Blessed Are We How did Zetta shatter her death archetype? How has her death demon or phantom been transformed? As she shares her story, it becomes apparent that death has lost its sting for Zetta. She no longer runs from it. It has become her near and dear companion, helping her hone the rest of her life, reminding her to be present to the inherent joy in the present moment. In some sense she is the shaman of her own journey, the one who faces the unknown terrors and returns empowered. It’s scary, but wonder of wonders! There is little if any fear remaining. Now Zetta knows at the deep cellular level what she "knew" with her rational mind. As she mentioned, she has sought connection with her deeper self throughout her life. Greater realness, authenticity and compassion arrived on her doorstep as she surrendered to her heart and faced her fears and her death head on. Her heart is soft and open. Her words are real and honest. Her fears are no longer snarling tigers at the door but meowing kittens in her lap. The energy previously used to handle fear and push tigers away is available for reflection and fun and friends as she so chooses. Simplicity has become her necessity and her guide. Gone are all but a few possessions. Gone are the insatiable emotional needs that often burden our days. From Zetta and the many others that are utilizing the near-death experience, past life regression and their own imminent death we learn that:
Follow this link for Part 2 of Zeta's Story. ----------------------------- |
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